The anatomy of a zombie

As expected, my new Xbox has found a way to cut into my game development time. There are, of course, many excuses I can employ to rationalize this. The simplest one is to blame the Xbox, as if it had a mind of its own or was being controlled remotely by Steve Ballmer himself.

That, of course, is ridiculous. Steve Ballmer would never control my Xbox himself--he would certainly get a low-level lackey to do it.

Ok, maybe it's my own fault that I'm playing so much, but at least I can tell myself that it's as much research as entertainment. How can I expect to make compelling games if I haven't even played the latest and greatest? Yes, it's definitely research.

I have learned several important lessons during this crucial research.

1. Every good first-person shooter must have an alien invasion, either from outer space or some other dimension--the more hellish the better.
2. Said aliens must have the ability to infest human corpses. Several methods are acceptable, including face grabbing, which clearly gives the alien rudimentary control of the host's motor functions, and fungal-like infestation, which transforms the host's upper body into something lumpy and terrible.
3. The zombie-like creatures that result from alien infestation must be slow-moving, hide frequently in dark corners, and be extremely hard to kill. Shotgun blasts to the head (or what's left of it) tend to be most effective.
4. Once knocked down, zombies must have the ability to get up and attack you again. While it may seem unnecessary (why not just send twice as many zombies?), it's very important to kill alien zombies correctly. A resilient zombie is a scary zombie, after all.

With such valuable insights, I'm sure you can see now why my research is so important to me. I'm also sure you'll understand if my progress on SPUDZOOKA slows down just a little bit while I study.